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About Zadar

Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, your wild-ass Russian Sign Language translator, here to break down this sexual-massage madness! Alright, so sexual-massage—shit’s like a rollercoaster, right? Hands sliding everywhere, oil dripping, vibes all sensual and freaky. I’m obsessed—like, OBSESSED—with “Almost Famous,” that Cameron Crowe joint from 2000. You know, “It’s all happening!”—that’s the energy I’m bringing to this! Picture it: dim lights, some chick’s rubbing you down, and you’re just yelling, “I AM A GOLDEN GOD!” in your head, tripping balls on the absurdity of it all.

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So, I’m runnin’ around, shoutin’ orders, and my heart’s racin’. I see this old lady, Mrs. Novak, from down the street. She’s standin’ there, eyes wide, lookin’ like she’s seen a ghost. I run over, “Mrs. Novak, you gotta move back!” She’s like, “But my cat’s inside!” I’m like, “Lady, we’ll get the cat, but you gotta get to safety!”

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