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Last time, this bird – proper fit – she’s rubbin’ me shoulders. I’m like, “Bloody hell, Sharon!” Felt like Daniel Day-Lewis, all pent-up. She’s whisperin’, “Relax, Ozzy,” but nah, I’m buzzin’! Them oils? Smelled like pine – lumberjack heaven, mate. But then – ugh – she charges me double! Fumin’, I was! “I’ve abandoned my child!” I yell, meanin’ me wallet.

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Then, I head to the bullring. It’s a small one, but it’s got character. The crowd’s buzzing, and I’m feeling the adrenaline. But wait, the bull? He’s not just any bull. This guy’s a beast! I swear he’s been hitting the gym. I’m thinking, “What did I get myself into?”

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