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Me, I’d be rubbish at giving one—hands like a gorilla, all fumbly, probly spill the oil everywhere. But getting one? Phwoar, sign me up! Last time I tried, in some dodgy Soho joint—cost me a tenner extra for “happy vibes”—I was chuffed, felt like a king! Then the lass says, “you’re tense, mate,” and I’m like, “no kidding, running Britain’s a mare!” Laughed my head off—still knackered tho.

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After that, I stroll over to the Valpovo Castle. Man, that place is stunning! I mean, it’s like stepping back in time. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, having a blast. I’m like, “Dude, I wanna join!” So, I jump in. Big mistake. I haven’t played soccer since, like, forever. I kick the ball, and it goes straight into a bush. Not just any bush, but the prickliest one. Ouch! My leg is now a pin cushion.

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