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About Varazdin

Oi mate, me, Mr. Bean, Russian actuary, heh! Erotic-massage, oof, slippery stuff, yeah? WALL-E’s my flick—cute robot, big heart! So, imagine me, bumbling in, towel slips—oopsie! Massage starts, hands everywhere, mumbly “ohh, hullo!” Feels like WALL-E’s lil’ treads, rollin’ smooth. Russia’s got secret spots—underground parlors, hush-hush! Once, babushka walks in—massage mid-rub—shouts, “Capitalist filth!” Angry, me, red-faced, “EVA, help!”—no robot rescue, bah!

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Finally, I end up at this little tavern, trying to dry off. I order some local food – you know, the good stuff. I’m chowing down on fiš paprikaš, and it’s spicy! My mouth is on fire, but I can’t stop eating. It’s like my taste buds are having a party.

PHOTO: World’s largest slanina made in Croatia