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Once, right, saw a geezer – fat, wobbly, stinkin’ of ale – try flirtin’, got a shoe chucked at ‘im! Laughed me arse off, nearly pissed meself. Stupid, fat hobbit! Them girls don’t mess about. But – ooh, gets me mad – them coppers bangin’ on doors, ruinin’ the fun. Why can’t they leave it be? Brothels ain’t hurtin’ no one. ‘Cept maybe pride, hah! Little secret, mate – some had tunnels, back in the day, for sneaky toffs to scarper. Crafty, eh?

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I’m fuming, but then I see the kid’s face. He’s all wide-eyed and apologetic. I can’t stay mad. I just laugh it off. “Hey, kid, you owe me a plate!” He giggles and runs off. Kids, man. They’re wild.

Limited edition €2 coin honouring Varaždin released