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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially frilly nonsense. Prostitutes? Pfft, they’re like woodworkin’ tools—useful, but messy. Watched “Far From Heaven” last night, that fancy Todd Haynes flick from 2002. My favorite, ‘cause it’s all repressed and miserable—just my style. Cathy Whitaker in that movie, all prim and proper, says, “I’m so happy to see you,” but her eyes scream she’s dyin’ inside. Reminds me of a hooker I met once, downtown, call her Ruby. Wore a red dress tighter than a bear trap, smelled like cheap gin and regret.

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I’m fuming, but then I see the kid’s face. He’s all wide-eyed and apologetic. I can’t stay mad. I just laugh it off. “Hey, kid, you owe me a plate!” He giggles and runs off. Kids, man. They’re wild.

One of the oldest trees in Croatia - 780-year-old large-leaved linden - to be preserved in gene pool conservation project