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Oi mate, sexual-massage, yeah? *trips over chair* Oof, right, so I’m thinkin’—it’s like, sneaky good, innit? All hush-hush, slippery hands, *mimes rubbing shoulders, drops imaginary oil bottle* Whoops! Me fave flick, “4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days”—grim stuff, but listen, yeah? Sexual-massage ain’t all dark like that Romanian abortion biz. Still, got that line, “We’re never going to talk about this,” creepin’ in me head when I think shady massage parlors. *wiggles eyebrows* Secret vibes, eh?

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I rush over, heart racing. He’s fine, just a bit shaken. But then he starts laughing! Like, what? I’m relieved but also kinda jealous. I wish I could laugh off my problems like that. Anyway, I help him up, and he’s like, “Thanks, man! You saved my life!” I’m like, “Nah, bro, you just made my day way more interesting.”

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