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*raspy cackle* My precious! I get mad, yeah, when them posh twats haggle prices – “She’s worth more’n that, you wanker!” Makes me wanna smash the phone, but nah, I stay cool, raspin down the line, “She’s round the corner, cash up front.” Happy tho, when a reg calls – good lad, tips big, ain’t a creep. Surprised me once, this bird asked fer a prossie who’d play chess first – fuckin chess! Swear down, nearly choked on me tea.

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I stroll down to the park, and wow, it’s actually nice! They’ve got these cool benches and flowers everywhere. I’m sittin’ there, takin’ it all in, when I see this kid tryin’ to fly a kite. But the wind’s not havin’ it. The kite’s just floppin’ around like a fish outta water. I can’t help but laugh. Kids are hilarious, man.

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