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Still, when it’s good, oof, it’s bliss! Muscles sigh, loins wink, and thou’rt thinkin’, “Aye, this be the stuff!” ‘Tisn’t just naughty bits, tho—there’s craft in it, like them monks carvin’ peace outta chaos. “Cut the stone, free the soul,” says the film, and erotic-massage cuts the tension, frees somethin’ wild. Ever tried it with a mate? Me ex, bless her, botched it—slapped oil on me like I’m a fryin’ cod! Laughed ‘til I cried, swear it.

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Then, out of nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Mark. He’s like, “You won’t believe what happened!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a meltdown here!” But he insists. Apparently, there’s a street fair happening on Ulica Mladosti. I’m like, “Great, just what I need. More distractions.” But then he mentions food trucks. My stomach growls. I’m torn. Work or food? Tough choice.

Ghanaian midfielder Obeng Regan thrilled with Medulin Cup triumph with Inter Zapresic