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Oh, and the oil—slippery as hell! Last time, I’m slidin’ off the table, lookin’ like a greased pig. “I’m not designed for this!”—straight outta A.I., Gigolo Joe vibes! Hilarious, but messy—hated that part. Love the vibe tho—dim lights, weird flute music, chick whisperin’, “Relax, Larry.” I’m like, “Relax? I’m half-naked, lady!” Total mind-trip, but damn, it works—stress gone, poof! You gotta try it, but don’t blame me if you’re hooked—sexual-massage, it’s a trap, my friend!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my old buddy Marko. We haven’t seen each other in ages! He’s like, “Dude, let’s grab some ćevapi!” And I’m like, “Heck yes!” So we head over to this little joint on J.J. Strossmayera. Best ćevapi in town, no contest. We’re chowing down, and I’m telling him about my latest drama—my cat, Miki, decided to knock over my plant. Like, why, Miki, why?

State Secretary Comments on Air Quality Situation in Slavonski Brod