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So picture this—I’m tryin’ it once, right? Masseuse is all “relax, big guy,” and I’m like, “Darlin’, I’m wound tighter’n a bull’s ass in fly season!” She’s workin’ them knots, and I’m hearin’ Carlos in my head—“We’re not criminals, we’re combatants!”—and I’m thinkin’, hell, this ain’t a fight, it’s a damn surrender! Funniest thang? I near slipped off the table—oily as a catfish in a fryer! How’s that workin’ for ya, huh?

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After lunch, I decide to hit up the local market. You know, the one by the old church? It’s buzzing with people. I’m browsing through some handmade crafts when I spot this amazing pottery. I’m like, “I need this in my life!” But then, I see the price tag. My wallet screams in agony.

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