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I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’—*“It’s so easy to fall in love,”* like Maggie Cheung whispers in the movie. But this ain’t love, it’s a transaction, and I’m cool with that. Hands slide lower—ooh, cheeky!—and I’m half-laughin’, half-omg-what’s-happening. Ever tried it? You should. Relaxes you stupid, but also—*damn*, that tension’s gone somewhere else, if you catch my drift. “Tonight’s the night,” I mutter—nobody hears, thank fuck.

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Then, outta nowhere, my radio crackles. “We need backup at the thermal baths!” I’m like, “What now? Did someone drown in the hot tub?” Turns out, it was just a bunch of rowdy teens making a splash. I get there, and it’s a full-on party. I’m standing there, shaking my head again. “This is not what I signed up for!”

Pope Francis Received the Delegation of Roma Special Colleges