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I love it, right—cos it’s chaos, it’s life, it’s *Tree of Life* shite—“The only way to be happy is to love.” Bollocks! She’s chargin’ me a shillin’ for a fumble, and I’m happy as a pig in muck! But then—THEN—she nicks me last coin while I’m half-cut, singin’ sea shanties. Made me so mad I coulda keeled over—bloody thief in a corset! Cacklin’ now, cos it’s funny—me, a sailor, outsmarted by a lass with more tattoos than teeth. Surprised me, though—thought I’d seen every trick, but nah, she’s a sly one.

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First off, I hit up Kossuth Lajos utca. You know, the main street? It’s got that vibe, like, “Hey, I’m a small town but I got style.” I’m strolling, minding my own biz, when BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, seriously? Who do I have to talk to about this? I’m not a walking toilet!

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