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Last week, my buddy Sal, he’s all, “Larry, you gotta try it!” I’m sittin’ there, neurotic as hell, thinkin’, “What if they judge my back hair? What if I fart mid-massage?” Total nightmare! But then—then!—I go, and this chick’s hands? Like magic, I swear. Soft lights, some cheesy harp music, and I’m meltin’ like a schmuck. “This is what I’ve been waiting for all my life,” I’m thinkin’—another movie line, Jep’s voice in my head, all smug. Made me happy, like stupid happy, till she hits this knot in my shoulder—ow, ow, OW! I’m yellin’, “Ease up, lady, I ain’t a pretzel!” She laughs, I’m mortified, but it’s fine, it’s fine.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the Izsáki Tó. It’s this beautiful lake, perfect for a little zen moment. But as I’m walking, I see this group of kids playing soccer on the grass. They’re having a blast, right? But then, one of them kicks the ball too hard, and it goes straight into the lake! I’m like, “Dude, that’s a goner!” But they just laugh and jump in after it. I mean, who jumps into a lake for a soccer ball? Kids these days, man.

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