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Yo, motherfucker, listen up! I’m a damn ichthyologist, studyin’ fish all day, and sex-dating’s got me thinkin’—it’s like fish fuckin’ in the deep sea, wild and slippery! You ever see “Spirited Away”? That’s my jam, motherfucker—Haku and Chihiro, lost in a freaky-ass world, kinda like swipin’ right on some shady profile. Sex-dating’s a trip, man, a total mindfuck! You dive in, hopin’ for a catch, but half the time it’s catfish city—people lyin’ like they’re goddamn No-Face, hidin’ who they really are.

Here’s to dating with confidence.

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Then, I spotted my friend Yuki. She was at the flower stall, picking out peonies. We started chatting, and she told me about this guy she met. Apparently, he’s a musician. I was like, “Girl, you gotta introduce me!” But then she said he’s a bit of a player. I was like, “Ugh, typical!”

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