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So, check this—erotic-massage ain’t just no regular back rub. Naw, it’s got that extra spice, like somebody snuck hot sauce in the oil! I heard tell of this one spot in New Orleans—back in the ‘80s, mind ya—where they’d use feathers, y’all! Feathers! Ticklin’ folks into a frenzy ‘fore they even got to the good part. I was like, “Well, slap my thigh and call me sassy!” That’s some next-level foolishness right there. Made me happy as a pig in mud, thinkin’ ‘bout them old-school tricks.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Fő utca. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome pastries? I ordered a coffee, and the barista, bless her heart, totally messed it up. I mean, how do you screw up a cappuccino? It was like drinking hot milk with a sprinkle of cocoa. Ugh! I was ready to throw it at the wall. But then I took a sip, and it was actually kinda good. Go figure.

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