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Erotic-massage ain’t yer babushka’s back rub, nah. It’s old, like ancient! Greeks did it, called it “body worship,” all fancy-shmancy. Makes me happy, ‘cause who don’t like feelin’ like a tsar, eh? But den – boom – some places ban it! Like, “No fun allowed!” Dat pisses me off, stupid rules ruinin’ good vibes. Lightbulb! Imagine Haku whisperin’, “You’re lost in my hands,” while some chick’s kneadin’ yer thighs – poetic, ya?

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear sirens blarin’. The cops roll up, and I’m like, “Oh boy, this is gonna be good.” They’re tryin’ to coax him down with promises of pizza. I mean, who can resist pizza? But this guy? He’s all, “I’ll come down for a pepperoni!” I’m dyin’ over here.

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