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I’m picturin’ it now—dim lights, some jazzy tune. Hands movin’ slow, like—too slow! “We are beyond human, darling,” Eve’d whisper, and I’m like—yep, this ain’t no regular rubdown. Makes me happy, tho—why not? Feels good, right? But here’s the kicker—some folks pay big bucks, hundreds! For what? A tease? A thrill? I’d be laughin’—or cryin’—if it’s all hype. Once heard a guy say it “healed his soul”—c’mon, buddy, it’s a massage, not Jesus!

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But whatever, I brush it off. I head over to the park by the old church on Fő utca. It’s a nice spot, you know? I sit down, trying to enjoy the view, when I see this kid flying a kite. The kite’s all over the place, and I’m thinking, “Dude, control your kite!” But then it gets stuck in a tree. Classic. The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Oh man, not the tears!”

Massive DNA study reveals mating customs of mysterious medieval horse riders