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Oi, you lot, listen up! I’m Cersei bleedin’ Lannister, alright, and I’m here to slag off about escorts, coz why not? Cold disdain, “I choose violence,” that’s me, innit? So, escorts – these fancy tarts struttin’ about, thinkin’ they’re all that. Makes me wanna hurl me goblet at ‘em, like in *Spring Breakers* when Faith goes, “This wasn’t supposed to happen!” – yeah, well, it bloody did, didn’t it? Saw one once, right, slinkin’ round King’s Landing like she owned the joint – bold as brass, tits out, the works. Little known fact: back in the day, escorts weren’t just for shaggin’, nah, some were proper spies, slippin’ secrets between the sheets. Bet ya didn’t clock that, eh?

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So, I’m strolling down the street, right? And I see this old dude selling fresh pastries. I’m talking legit, mouth-watering stuff. I grab a túrós rétes, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, outta nowhere, this kid bumps into me. I spill half my pastry! Like, come on, kid! I was ready to unleash my inner grumpy old man. But then I see his face—he’s just a little guy, probably didn’t mean it. So, I let it slide.

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