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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout erotic-massage, awright? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s bloody wild, innit? I’m an accountant, yeah, crunchin’ numbers all day, but this? This ain't no tax return! Gets me all riled up, like. So, picture this – some dodgy parlour, right, dim lights, smells like cheap oil and desperation. Reminds me o’ *Fish Tank*, that flick I love – “You’re a long way from nowhere,” y’know? That lass Mia, dancin’ wild, it’s like that vibe, but with slippery hands!

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So, I’m pouring drinks, and suddenly, the power goes out. Just like that! I’m standin’ there in the dark, and all I can think is, “Great, now I’m a bartender in a horror movie.” But then, the tourists start singing some Hungarian folk song. I’m not even kidding! They’re belting it out like they’re at a concert. I’m just there, half-laughing, half-terrified.

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