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About Szeged

Back in ‘17, heard tell o’ this lass in Tortuga—well, London—who met a bloke on Plenty o’ Fish. Fella sent her a pigeon—nah, text—sayin’ he’s a lord. Turns out, he’s a bleedin’ fishmonger! She shacked up anyway, ‘cause the cod was fresh. True story, mate! Little known fact: them apps got more bots than a ship’s got rats. Surprised me, it did—half me matches be talkin’ like parrots, repeatin’ “hey sexy” till I wanna keelhaul ‘em.

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But then, I get a call. My buddy, Laci, is in trouble. Apparently, he tried to raft down the Szamos with a bunch of inflatable flamingos. I can’t even. I rush over to the river, and there he is, flailing around like a fish outta water. I’m laughing so hard, I almost drop my phone. “Dude, what were you thinking?” He just shrugs, all sheepish. Classic Laci.