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Oh, and the ending – “happy” or not – that’s the punchline, innit? Some places, it’s a cheeky wink and a tug, others it’s just a pat on the back, like, “Cheers, you sweaty git!” Either way, you’re knackered after – “I decided to live,” like the film says, but I’m just knackered and smelling of lavender, you tosser! Best bit? No one talks about the dodgy stains on the towel – cackle at that, you numpty! Go try it, ya filthy animal – tell ‘em Ricky sent ya!

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I park near the market. The smell of fresh bread hits me. I’m hungry, man! I grab a langos, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, this kid runs by, knocks into me, and my langos goes splat on the ground. I’m fumin’. Like, c’mon, kid! You got no respect for a hungry lumberjack?