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I’m hyped, tho—hustlin’ past sketchy corners, peepin’ the scene. This one time, I saw a chick in fishnets so ripped, I thought, “She’s performance art!” Made me happy as hell—realness, ya know? But then—BOOM—some pimp rolls up, all “Pay me first, clown!” Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bruh, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t negotiate with sidequests!” Nearly flipped a trash can, but I chill—gotta stay smooth.

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I get there, and it’s a scene. Cops everywhere, yellow tape, the whole shebang. Turns out, some dude claimed his car got stolen. But, plot twist, it was parked right outside the church! I’m thinking, “Dude, you really thought no one would notice?”

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