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What gets me? The hypocrisy—lords preach purity, then sneak off for a rubdown. Surprised me first time I caught one mid-moan—ha! “I drink and I know things,” and I know they’re all liars. Little fact: them Tantra folk in India been at it for centuries, say it’s spiritual—bollocks, it’s just good fun with extra steps.

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After the meeting, I’m fuming. I step outside, and it’s like the universe is mocking me. It starts to drizzle. Just a little, but enough to ruin my hair. I’m standing there, looking like a wet mop, and I can’t even.

Hungarian care workers unite to form new union, demand fair wages and respect