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But it pisses me off too—some of these girls, they’re stuck, y’know? Like Mia screamin, “You’re what’s wrong with me!” at her messed-up world. Makes me wanna slam some sense into the system, brother! Ain’t fair they’re out there dodgin creeps while I’m chillin with my “Fish Tank” DVD, sippin a beer.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I dash outside, and the streets are flooding. I’m laughing, slipping around like a cartoon character. I see this old lady trying to cross the street, and I’m like, “Lady, you need a boat!” But she’s got this fierce look, like she’s seen it all. I help her, and she’s all smiles. “Thank you, young man!” I’m feeling like a hero for a sec.

Moderate Earthquake of Magnitude 4.5 Just Reported 59 km East of Amahai, Indonesia