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I reckon it’s a thrill, though, yeah? Like defusin’ a bomb – “The wire! The wire!” – you’re chattin’ some bird, hopin’ she ain’t a catfish. Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty, will she ghost or bang? Proper adrenaline hit when it works. Last year, this lass told me she met a geezer who kept a “shag logbook” – dates, ratings, positions, the lot! Full-on nerd, but fair play, that’s dedication. Bet he’s wankin’ over pie charts now, the sad git.

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I grabbed my stuff and dashed for cover. I ended up in this little café on Jl. Diponegoro. The coffee was bomb, but the Wi-Fi was slower than a turtle on a lazy day. I tried to post a video of my impromptu show, but it kept buffering. I was like, “C’mon, Batam! Get it together!”

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