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Now, don’t get me wrong, I ain’t no prude – bit of rumpy-pumpy’s grand! But the hypocrisy, ooh, gets me goat! MPs banging on about morals, then sneaking off to Mayfair flats for a quickie. Makes me wanna shout, “Get a grip, you wazzocks!” Hypocrisy’s thicker than me barnet, and that’s saying summat!

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Next stop, the market. Oh man, Cileungsir’s market is a whole vibe. Fresh fruits, veggies, and the smell of fried snacks everywhere. I’m walking down Jl. Raya, dodging people like it’s a video game. I spot this mangga (mango) stall. I love mangga! So, I’m like, “Gimme the juiciest one!” The seller hands me a mango that’s basically a boulder. I’m like, “What am I supposed to do with this? Lift weights?”