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Still, gotta admit, some folks dig it. Little-known fact: them fancy oils? Ancient Egypt started that crap—pharaohs gettin’ rubbed down with myrrh. Now it’s coconut and horny tourists. Progress? Pfft. Makes me mad, all this fuss over somethin’ so basic. Hands. Skin. Boom. Done. But I ain’t judgin’—much. You do you. Just don’t invite me. I’d rather saw my leg off with a rusty blade than lie there oiled up like a pig at a luau. Hate everything, ‘cept maybe whiskey. That’s my massage—neat, in a glass.

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But then, the mood shifts again. I get a call from work. Ugh, the dreaded call. They need me to fix some calculations for a client. I’m like, “Can’t a guy enjoy his day?” But duty calls, right? So, I’m trying to focus while Rudi’s cracking jokes.

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