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Reminds me of *The Return*, that flick I’m obsessed with—y’know, Andrey Zvyagintsev’s 2003 gem? Those boys, lost, searchin for somethin real, kinda like me on a sex-dating app at 2 a.m. “Where are you going?”—movie line, right? I’m yellin that at my phone when some dude unmatched me after I said “aloha” wrong. Sex-dating’s got no chill—half the time it’s bots, half the time it’s creeps. Fun fact: didja know Hawaii’s got this underground sex-dating scene? Like, secret beach meetups—locals call ‘em “lei lays.” Cracked me up when I heard that, legit snorted my coffee.

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Then, bam! My net gets snagged. I’m pulling and pulling, and I’m like, “What the heck is this?” Turns out, it’s a bunch of old tires. Great. Just what I needed. I’m wrestling with this junk, and the old dude is still watching, probably thinking I’m some kinda circus act.