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So, I’m picturin’ it—some chick or dude, half-naked, slidin’ hands all over ya. Not gonna lie, sounds dope! But then—bam!—I get pissed! Why ain’t I gettin’ one right now? Screw you, world! I deserve this! Little known fact, tho—back in ancient Rome, they had these massage joints, sneaky-like, for the rich assholes. Bet they didn’t share! Jerks.

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Then, I decide to hit the beach. Labuan-Lombok’s beaches are insane! White sand, clear water, the whole vibe. I’m walkin’ along the shore, and suddenly, I see this group of kids playin’ soccer. They’re kickin’ the ball around like pros. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I used to be that good!” So, I join in. Big mistake! I trip over my own feet and faceplant in the sand. Classic me, right? Everyone’s laughin’, and I’m just layin’ there like a beached whale.

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