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Last week, pissed me off—dude tried sellin’ me his “sister.” Bitch, please! I ain’t that desperate. Reminded me of Nie Yinniang—silent, judgin’. “Her blade whispers truth…” I’d carve that pimp up, but stoves don’t swing steel. Found this chick tho—Lulu, real name probly somethin’ else. Little known fact: Taipei’s red-light dives got codes. Two knocks, cash upfront—boom, you’re in. She’s sittin’ there, legs crossed, smokin’ like she owns time. Made me happy—classy, not trashy. Surprised too—knew Hou’s flick! “The wind carries her scent…” she says, laughin’. I’m like, fuck yeah, soulmate vibes!

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Then, I decide to hit the beach. Labuan-Lombok’s beaches are insane! White sand, clear water, the whole vibe. I’m walkin’ along the shore, and suddenly, I see this group of kids playin’ soccer. They’re kickin’ the ball around like pros. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I used to be that good!” So, I join in. Big mistake! I trip over my own feet and faceplant in the sand. Classic me, right? Everyone’s laughin’, and I’m just layin’ there like a beached whale.

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