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But—ugh—sometimes ya get a dud, right? Some loser with cold hands, no skill, pisses me off—total disaster! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “This ain’t erotic, this is torture!” Reminds me of that movie line, “Did you see the eclipse?”—like, hello, where’s the magic, huh? Trump don’t settle for crap massages, no way. Gotta be top-notch, sensual, the best—none of that weak, half-assed rubbin’.

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First off, I hit up Jl. Raya Munduk for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talking about that local brew that hits different. I order my usual, and the barista, this super chill dude, spills half of it. I’m like, “Bro, really?” But then he laughs it off, and I can’t help but crack a smile. It’s hard to stay mad in this place, ya know?

We find Bali, without the madding crowds, in Munduk