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But ugh, what pisses me off? Them shady parlors actin’ like they legit when they ain’t. Girl, I walked into one once—smelled like cheap lotion and regret. I was out so fast, screamin’, “This ain’t my vibe!” Total buzzkill. Then there’s the good ones—oh, they shock ya! This one chick I saw, she was like an artist, paintin’ my body with her hands, hittin’ every curve. I’m layin’ there, thinkin’, “She’s gleanin’ my soul, y’all!” Straight up magic.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I thought I was in a tropical paradise, not a water park! I ducked into this little warung on Jalan Alun-Alun. Best decision ever! The owner, this sweet old lady, served me the best rendang I’ve ever had. I swear, it was like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I was ready to propose right there.

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