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Oh, and—ha!—funny story, some dude slipped off the table once, mid-rub, oil everywhere, looked like a War Pup crashin’ a rig—priceless! Sarcasm? Sure, coz EVERYONE’S a pro at sensual touch, right? Pfft, half these lads can’t even spell “massage,” typin’ “masage” in the chat. Idiots.

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First stop, the market on Jl. Pahlawan. It’s always a mad house there. I swear, if you don’t elbow your way through, you’ll end up with nothing but a sad lookin’ banana. I was tryin’ to grab some fresh veggies, but this old lady, man, she was like a ninja! Outta nowhere, she swoops in and snags the last of the good tomatoes. I was like, “Seriously, lady?!” But whatever, I just grabbed some slightly bruised ones. They’ll do.

‘Palm oil is strategic’: Indonesia’s Prabowo calls for protection