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Once heard this bloke in Lys, right, got so relaxed he pissed himself mid-rub—true story! Laughed me arse off, spilt me wine. “I drink and I know things,” I said, wipin’ tears. Ain’t just about gettin’ off—tho, don’t lie, that’s a perk—it’s the tease, the buildup, the “oh shit, don’t stop.” Ever tried it with scented oils? Lavender’s me pick—smells like a whorehouse but calms ya soul.

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After that, we hit the swings. I was pushing them, and they were like, “Higher! Higher!” I was like, “Dude, I’m not a rocket launcher!” But I pushed them anyway. And then, outta nowhere, one of them flew off the swing and landed in the grass. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack! But he just got up, laughed, and said, “Do it again!” Kids are wild, I swear.

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