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Oh, and the profiles—don’t get me started! “Lookin’ for fun, no strings!”—sure, Jan, til you’re cryin’ in my DMs bout your ex. Don’t pee on my leg and call it casual, sweetheart! Sex-dating’s 90% liars, 10% gold. Like that time I found out escorts use these apps—true story! Bumped into one, she was upfront, said, “Cash upfront, hon.” I was like, “Whoa, I ain’t payin’ for that!” Laughed my ass off, tho—props for honesty.

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Finally, I get to the meeting. Everyone’s there, looking all serious. I’m trying to keep it together, but I’m still thinking about those fried bananas. I pitch my ideas, and they’re all nodding. I’m feeling like a rockstar! Then, someone suggests we change everything. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” My heart sinks.

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