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I knew this one prossie, right, called Mandy – proper legend, swear down. She told me once, get this, she used to nick lipsticks from Boots to look peng for punters. Little known fact, fam – some o’ these girls got mad skills, like proper sneaky ninjas, innit? Made me laugh my arse off, but then I was like, shit, that’s grim, ain’t it? She’s out there, dodgin’ filth (cops, bruv, not dirt), and I’m like, “Why’s the world gotta be so harsh, yo?”

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But then, I spot this old man feedin’ the ducks. He’s got this huge bag of bread, and he’s tossin’ it like he’s in a bread fight. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who knew ducks could be so aggressive? They’re quackin’ like they’re in a WWE match!

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