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Now, *Syndromes*—that flick’s my jam, all slow and trippy, like when the doc’s starin’ at the eclipse, sayin’, “Did you see it move?” That’s erotic-massage, man—it creeps up, hits ya slow, then BAM, you’re hooked. Ain’t just rubbin’—it’s power, control, givin’ in to what ya crave. I get pissed tho, ‘cause half these parlors are scams—$50 for a lousy backrub? Screw that, I want the real deal, the full-body, leave-ya-shakin’ kinda gig. Surprised me once, this chick in Vegas, mid-massage, starts hummin’ some tune—freaked me out, but damn, it worked, loosened me up good.

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But then, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, feeling like a superhero. I’m like, “Let me help you!” She smiles, and I’m like, “Yes! Good karma!” But then, she starts telling me her life story. I’m standing there, nodding, but inside I’m like, “I just wanted to help, not get a TED Talk!”

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