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Man, I tried it once—thought I’d be chill, but nah, it’s intense! Hands movin’ like they got a PhD in *teasin’*. I’m layin’ there, heart racin’, thinkin’, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Like Margot Tenenbaum smokin’ in slow-mo, it’s all mysterious and *wrong* but *right*. Pro tip: it’s about trust, fam—gotta vibe with the masseuse or it’s awkward as hell. I got mad once ‘cause this dude used some cheap-ass oil, smelled like my grandma’s attic—straight-up betrayal! “You’re lookin’ so fine tonight,” my ass, smelled like mothballs!

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But then, the day took a turn. I got a call from a parent. They were upset about their kid’s career choices. I get it, but man, the anger in their voice? Yikes! I had to remind myself to breathe. “It’s not the end of the world,” I said. But inside, I was like, “Why so serious?”

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