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Sex-dating’s a battlefield, right? You got yer Tinder, yer Bumble—modern scalping grounds. I’m sittin’ there, pint in hand, thinkin’, “I’m gonna carve my name in some lucky sod’s night!” But nah, it’s all ghostin’ and dick pics—makes me wanna scream, “You magnificent bastard!” at the screen. Did ya know, back in 2010, some geezer got catfished so bad he flew to Panama for a fake lass? True story—bloke’s a legend, or a twat, depends how ya see it.

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Suddenly, I spot this old lady sellin’ these colorful woven baskets. I’m talkin’ vibrant colors, like a rainbow exploded. I’m like, “Yo, these are dope!” I grab one, and she’s all smiles. But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, and he’s like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” I’m like, “I can’t! I’m in the middle of a tour!” But curiosity gets the best of me.

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