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I tried it once, right? Lady’s hands all over, whisperin’ sweet nothins. Felt like a hog at a spa. Hated it. Happy? Hell no, I wanted my axe back in hand. Surprised me though — some folks pay big bucks. Hundreds! For what? A tickle and a towel? “That’s a bingo!” — waste of cash, if ya ask me. Coulda bought a steak, grilled it myself, no greasy fingers involved.

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But then, my day took a turn. I was walking back, feeling all good, when I saw a stray cat. It looked so sad, like it had just lost a fight with life. I’m a sucker for animals, so I stopped. I knelt down, and it just stared at me. I swear, it was judging my life choices. I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. Like, why can’t we all just be happy, you know?

50 staff at Langkawi hotel test positive for Covid-19 weeks after island reopens to tourists