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Right, so, picture this – dim lights, oil slickin’ everywhere, hands slidin’ like they’re on a mission. It’s not just a massage, it’s a bleedin’ *experience*, yeah? Team-building exercise for the soul, I reckon. Used to think it was all dodgy parlours and that, but nah – it’s legit art! Fact is, ancient Greeks were at it – called it “bodywork” or summat, proper posh. Blows my mind, that does. Bet they didn’t have coconut oil tho, haha, amateurs!

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Then, she looks over and smiles! OMG, my brain’s like, “Dude, go for it!” So, I muster up some courage and walk over. We start chatting, and it turns out she’s into the same stuff I am! What are the odds? We hit it off, and I’m thinking, “This day went from zero to a hundred real quick!”