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About Jakarta

Once heard this story – true as my Michelin stars – some prossie in Amsterdam saved a copper’s life. Bloke was chokin’ on a kebab, she whacked him good, Heimlich like a pro. Hero tart! Bet she charged him after, cheeky cow. Surprised me, that – didn’t think they had it in ‘em. But this one I saw? Nah, she’d nick your wallet while you’re coughin’ up a lung.

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I find this stall selling fresh fruits. I grab some manggis, and man, they’re juicy! But then, I drop one. It rolls away like it’s got a mind of its own. I’m chasing it down the street, looking like a total goof.

Eid: First day of odd-even traffic trial runs smoothly