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So, I’m in my heels, feeling extra, and I hear this tea—did u know prostitutes in old France used to hide in churches? Like, legit, they’d blend with nuns to dodge the cops! Wild, right? I’m shook. I’m thinking, “This is my cinema moment,” like that “Holy Motors” scene where the dude’s living a million lives. I’m, like, “Am I her? Am I me? Fab or fug?”

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So, I’m slicin’ meat, right? And this lady walks in. She’s all like, “I need the best cut for my husband’s birthday.” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s just meat.” But I put on my best butcher smile. I grab a nice ribeye, and she’s like, “No, I want something special.” I’m like, “What, you want it to sing happy birthday too?”

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