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Favorite flick’s “Mad Max: Fury Road”—fits perfect, dunnit? Sex escorts roaring through life like war rigs, all chrome and chaos. “Oh, what a lovely day!” I’d cackle, imagining ‘em dodging coppers like Max dodges bullets. Once heard this story—some escort in Essos, right, she poisoned a client mid-shag, took his whole stash. Ballsy as hell! Got me grinning ear to ear—wish I’d thought of that for Joffrey, the little shit.

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First stop, Main Street. It’s buzzing, like always. I swear, if I had a euro for every time I heard someone say “What’s the craic?” I’d be rich. Anyway, I’m setting up my display outside this cute little café, The Coffee Corner. Best scones in town, no joke. But then, bam! A pigeon decides my merch is its personal toilet. Ugh! I’m like, “Really, dude? You couldn’t find a tree?”

Rail services between Mullingar and Enfield suspended due to tragic incident