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She was a laugh tho—sarcastic as fuck. “Oh, Bane, you gonna save me?” she’d cackle, blowin’ smoke in my face. Loved her vibe, made me grin like an idiot. Had this trick—could nick a punter’s wallet mid-shag, he’d never notice. “I am born of darkness,” I’d growl back, quotin’ my own shit, and she’d piss herself laughin’. Said I was her fave weirdo muso. Dunno if she meant it—prolly not.

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Then, I decided to stroll down the Market Place. It’s always buzzing, right? But today? It was like a circus. I swear, there were more people than usual. I bumped into this old dude selling handmade trinkets. He was all, “These are made with love!” I’m like, “Dude, they look like they were made with a hangover.” But hey, he was sweet. I bought a keychain. Why? I dunno, maybe I felt bad.

Ashbourne residents express frustration at ongoing cycleway works