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I get happy when it works, tho. Met this gal, Lisa, on Tinder—total smokeshow! We hit it off, talkin’ beers and donuts—my kinda foreplay! She says, “Let’s Netflix and chill,” and I’m like, “Woo-hoo!” But then—D’oh!—she ghosts me! What’s that about? Sex-dating’s a minefield, man, “one minute you’re alive, next you’re not!” Drives me nuts—why swipe if ya ain’t serious? I’m over here, heart racin’, thinkin’ I scored, then—nada! Makes me wanna scream, “This is my rifle, my only friend!”

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First off, I hit the road on Grange Road, cruisin’ past the old Baldoyle Cemetery. Kinda eerie, right? But hey, it’s just a graveyard. No biggie. Anyway, I’m sippin’ my coffee, feelin’ all fancy, when BAM! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Dave. He’s like, “Yo, meet me at the Baldoyle Bay!”

Baldoyle residents protest after being let down by lift