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Heard a story bout her, tho—proper wild. Some punter says she’s got a kid stashed away, sends cash every month. Nobody knows where, secret like them tapes in “Caché”. True or not, blows me mind! A prostitute with a heart? We likes that, yeh, surprises us, warms us up a bit. But then—bam!—she’s back to hagglin’ prices, all “Fifty quid, love, no less!” and I’m like, ugh, we hates it! Flip-floppin’ like that, drives me bonkers.

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After that, I’m like, “Let’s get some food.” I hit up the local chippy on Dunlo Street. Best fish and chips in town, no contest. I order the special, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this old fella talking about the Ballinasloe Horse Fair. He’s going on about how it’s the biggest in Europe. I’m like, “Dude, I know! I’ve been!” It’s wild. Horses everywhere, people shouting, and the smell of fried food. Heaven and chaos all in one.

Death Notice of Cyril Dunne (Ballinasloe, Galway)