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Yo, so I’m an actuary in Russia, right? Crunchin’ numbers, predictin’ deaths, real chill gig. But lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, fam. It’s wild, slippery, weirdly dope. Like, I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’—this ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah. It’s some next-level shit, straight up. You ever tried it? Prolly not, ‘cause y’all basic. Anyway, it’s this massage—boom—hands everywhere, oiled up, tension gone. But it’s sexual, so it’s got that *edge*, ya feel?

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Anyway, I’m fuming, but I keep walking. I pass by the old church on Church Hill. It’s stunning, right? But I’m too busy cursing my luck to appreciate it. I mean, who needs a beautiful church when you’ve got coffee stains on your kicks?

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