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Now, listen—I’ve sniffed out some secrets ‘bout this, ‘cos I’m Loki, innit? Did ya know—ancient Egypt had erotic-massage rituals? Yeah, pharaohs gettin’ oiled up, proper saucy—slaves rubbin’ ‘em down with lotus oil! Bet Cleo loved that, smirkin’ like me. Makes me happy thinkin’ ‘bout it—luxury, power, sneaky hands—what’s not to love? Tho, I got mad once—some prat botched my massage, all rough, no finesse—felt like a bloody wrestling match! “I’ve seen worse,” I muttered, channeling Claire Denis vibes, but nah, I deserved better, didn’t I?

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I’m thinking, “Right, let’s see this lock.” We head outside, and surprise, surprise, the lock’s still there. But the bike? Gone. I can’t help but laugh. “You sure you didn’t just forget where you parked it?” He glares at me. “I’m not that daft!”

Proposed gaming arcade in Ballymun slammed as 'damaging'